Have you ever been accused of not listening to someone? Or maybe you’re constantly being asked “Did you hear me?” If this sounds familiar, then you may need to brush up on your active listening skills.
To be honest I thought I had always been a great listener, but in many ways I wasn't. Especially when my mind tended to wander off. But once I understood how listening works, I took the time and steps to improve my listening.
No longer do my opinions, judgements or beliefs triumph over others' or block me from growing closer to the important people in my life. The best part is I get to set an example for how others can listen.
You see, there’s a big difference between hearing and listening. You may be recognizing that someone's mouth is moving and they're making sound, but are you attempting to understand what they’re saying?
Why Listening is Important:
When most of us hear this, we think about the romantic relationships in our lives, and being able to listen to or be heard by your partner. But the reality is, listening affects every single relationship you have.
That means those with your partner, your family, your friends, your boss or coworkers. For the managers and business owners out there, the people that you supervise and guide, politicians or influencers that guide parts of your life.... the list is endless.
But the most important relationship that listening affects is how you listen to yourself. Your fears, your biases, your pain, your programming from things like parents, school & society.
In order to determine how well you listen you must determine:
1.) If you are able to truly listen to those around you and yourself
2.) A way to monitor when you are and are not listening to the best of your ability
3.) Specific tools to improve your listening so you can better connect with those important to you as well as your own thoughts
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply so before you can improve your listening, you must understand how it works.
Listening is an action and it’s WAY more active than it is passive.
What is Active Listening?
An active listener is deeply engaged in and attentive to what the speaker is saying. They really understand what the speaker is saying to them instead of just hearing the words that are coming out of their mouth. They use every bit of focus to study a person when they speak.
What Prevents Active Listening?
Let's refer to everything that gets in the way of active listening as "Blockers."
Common blockers while the other person is talking:
- Is this person right or wrong?
- Do I agree or disagree?
- Have I experienced this or not?
- Is their opinion popular or mainstream?
- How should I be viewing this person's opinion?
- Formulating a response
Common Blockers when you respond:
- Providing unsolicited advice
- Multitasking
- Verbalizing judgement toward that person
How to Improve Your Listening:
Now that we’ve covered the importance of listening and why many of us aren’t the best listeners. Here are some ways to improve your listening.
Silence your Mind and Judgement: When you catch your mind drifting from experiencing the other person's speaking, bring yourself back. Meditation helps!
Reframe what they said in your own words to ensure you understood them correctly
Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues: This means things like body language, tone, emotion...
Visualize what they are describing to you from their eyes based on their experiences and knowledge
I recently covered this topic on my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more examples, insight and tips then I highly recommend checking it out.
Here's what I discuss:
Why listening is important
What is active listening
What's stopping you from listening
How to improve your listening
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